Dear Malvika,
I am a 31-year-old man currently staying in the US. I was in a relationship with a girl for 10 years since our school days. We got married and moved to the US. After a couple of months, I found out that she was having an affair. I was extremely hurt, but she moved along with her new boyfriend. This incident has come as a big shock to me. I never felt she was out of love or unhappy with me, but if she was that easy-going, how could she have stayed that long in relationship with me? She says she loves him now and I am also trying to move on, but this unanswered question has been bothering me. Could you give me your suggestion on this?
If you are 31 now, that means you were 21 when you both met. Having met in your early 20s, seen each other through it all in the last 10 years and with a new move too, 10 years is a long time but people change. I am not sure if she had someone before you moved to the US or after but seems like she did find someone else. I know you are hurt and shocked at the moment. And it’s not easy to let go of a long relationship. It seems like you did not have communicative relationship or you took it for granted if you did not see the signs at all. There are always signs; people just are so wrapped in their own life that they don’t give it any attention at all. And you get used to a person after such a long time. Maybe that’s how she was able to stay with you. You tend to become like family members after a while. The only way to answer your feelings is to talk to her. She is the only one who has the answer. And she better have the courage to reply back to you and tell you what happened. Bitter truth is sometimes better than a white lie. Until and unless you don’t have closure, you will not be able to move on.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old girl currently doing my Master’s degree in Kathmandu. My parents had separated when I was younger. I am engaged to a guy since the past four years. He is a doctor and is currently living in the US. He has always been supportive of my career and he is a responsible man. The problem is that he wants to settle in America while I want to do something of my own in Nepal. We have not come to an agreement as of now and feel confused regarding the future of our relationship. Please help me out on this matter.
The only solution to this problem is that someone has to compromise, either him or you. Now the question is who and if both of you are adamant about each other’s dreams then no one will. So why don’t the two of you experiment for a bit. You can go to the states and try it out for a few years. If you cannot then he better come to Nepal to try it out too. Then you both can see what is better for you. That’s the only way to go. But never do it just because you are a woman and you need to compromise. Do it because, you are an individual and want to do so for the sake of your relationship.
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Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old guy studying second semester of hotel management. But I want to drop out and pursue my study on fashion designing. My parents are upset with my decision and won’t allow me to make such a big decision. However, I have decided to lead my life in the field of fashion. The question is whether I do it with or without their consent. Kindly suggest me on this matter?
Here is the thing, do you need money to study? Can you pay your own fees? If you can’t, then can you make time to work and study at the same time? Have you calculated the cost of fashion designing school? Do you think your parents or you can afford it? If you have the answers to these questions then you can get the solution. You seem to have changed your mind in second semester. If fashion designing was your thing then why did you end up in hotel management in the first place? You have managed to confuse your parents. And it seems that they are not taking you seriously. Now I will not tell you exactly what to do here as there is money involved. So calculate your expenses and see what you can do. That’s the only way to go to fulfill your dreams.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old married woman. It has been a year since we got married and I have started feeling that my husband is not the same when he was before marriage. I consoled myself thinking this is one of the phases that every relationship passes through. My husband has a close friend of his and he spends more time with him than he does with me. I have tried explaining that I need his attention and priority more than any other person and he respected my words. But I have lately realized that he has been maintaining distance with me. Did I do any mistake? What would you suggest me to do?
So there are phases to every relationship especially after marriage. It seems like men need more space than women after marriage. Maybe I am wrong, but I have heard many women complain of the same thing. So either our society has issues, or men don’t know how to handle relationships, or make relationships, I don’t understand. You see men do not think like us. They think that okay we are married now so why do we have to spend all the time together. Being married for them means being together but that’s not how it works. All I would say is try your best. Say that at least in the weekend one day is mine. And that you need to eat together at least 4 to 5 times together, maybe dinner. Maybe he has felt that you are constantly complaining about it. So let him be on his own for a while. Make plans with your own friends. And be the same way you were before being married. And see how that goes.
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