“Hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sex encounters, including one-night stands and other related activities, without necessarily including emotional intimacy, bonding or a committed relationship. There are no expectations of future involvement. It might be casual thing with one encounter or one point for certain amount of time, it includes wide variety of sexual behaviors ranging from kissing to sexual intercourse.” says Nirvana Bhandary, co- founder of F Project Nepal. In Nepal, hookup culture is considered taboo and people do not openly talk about it. There is a conservative notion about it in South Asia as well as in Western and Eastern society, with a lot of hesitation to debate on. In this concern, episode 6 of sexploration hosted by Nishma Choudhary with guest Nirvana Bhandary, co-founder of The F Project Nepal and also a feminist writer, who identify herself as bisexual, had an informative discussion on ‘Hookup Culture and how to police youth sexuality.’
People take hookup culture as a shameful topic so they don’t even talk about it with their friends. “In Nepal it is very hard to practice hookup culture; there has been discussion in small amounts. Few of the people are getting chance such as casual sex, one night stand; friends with benefits, booty call, but still people are reserved about it. There is a lot of pulling back/policing from the older generation be it our parents, elders, etc.” says Bhandary. For older generation, to talk openly about sex is a very new thing.
From which idea does Hookup culture come from? Is it to break the Bigotry, or personal choices/desire?
Bhandary states that it depends upon various reasons-Peer pressure, understanding about sexual orientation at the age of 17, 18. If youths are greatly influenced by social media then they will feel pressured that they should also participate in this culture. Another cause can be fear of emotional commitment, due to a lot of things like childhood trauma, etc.
Policing:
#Sexploration Episode 4 Q &A with the LGBTQI community
Talking about Kathmandu, there is a lot of ‘Community control/ community surveillance’. Even if you are pretty liberated, family is chill, the wider community attitude is still reserved about being in a certain relationship, especially for a woman, is still much stigmatized. We are still controlled by it no matter how independent, sexually liberated we may be, we still have to be conscious what community says because our family would have to hear about it and that is a big issue.
Misogynistic Perception and Policing from Gender Perspective and Religious belief:
It can be a very misogynistic thing to participate in hookup culture because many men think it as they should not show even basic level of respect to their sexual partners, treatment, honoring boundaries, consent, which can be harmful for women. It gives men more permission to be misogynist because they think I will no longer meet these women in the near future. However, at the same time some women can feel really empowering that they can have sex freely like men without getting judged.
The stigma about pre-marital sex is also associated with misconceptions about hookup culture in Nepal. It is more controlling to women and a big concern for women-no of partners that her future partner will judge her, or she will be called a slut. On the other hand, it is the opposite for men, they will be more masculine. People say “After going abroad girls will no longer stay virgin.”
Religion has affected the mentality. Ownership of father, ‘kanyadan’, also portrays religion as patriarchal from its roots and is based on virtue of women as pure, should not lose her virginity before marriage, ‘Hymen-misconceptions’ also still exist. Culture and religion also influences a lot of our behavior. Religion has caused significant differences in West and Nepal. Although there are dating apps like tinder, bumble, that facilitates people to widespread hook up culture, it is difficult to practice while, in abroad it is easy.
With the increase in number of youths involving in this culture, the downsides are also increasing relating to Hookup Culture like miscommunication, no discussion on consent and boundaries, multiple sexual partners can cause such kinds of problems; men refusing to condoms, risk of STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection), unwanted pregnancy.
Also, hookup and casual sex is often concerned with alcohol and drinking. There are cases of young women being drugged and sexually assaulted, especially in Kathmandu. “Consent by a drunken woman is not legal.” says Bhandary.
There are also risks of partners blackmailing them with nudes. Hookup culture has made emotional intimacy more difficult for younger people, leaving people lonely and even raises genuine concern. It also increases toxic masculinity and victim blaming,
Likewise, the podcast also discusses what to do and what not to do for safety. Bhandary addresses women/ girls not to be afraid to communicate, to voice it when uncomfortable, setting out boundaries, Moreover, she says men can also play a role in safe sex or create a safe space and healthy environment by being conscious, giving basic respect to partners, and using ‘safe word’. All together, the podcast talks about societal perseverance of a youth intimacy, generational gap, pros and cons of hookup culture, policing youth sexuality, sexual orientation, education and awareness regarding Hookup culture.
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCq34cNl5TI
