Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old woman. My family is very worried about my marriage. It’s been three years since they have been searching a guy for me. They introduce me to well-settled guys living abroad. But I don’t know why I can’t make adjustments and think of getting married. My younger cousin got married to a guy whom I had rejected and she has a baby girl now. I have started liking a married man who is a colleague of mine. He says he loves me very much and says his relationship with his wife is only for the sake of name. He insists me to go abroad with him and settle down there. Despite liking him, I can’t hurt my parents because they cannot imagine me with a married person. On the other hand, I can’t act as per their will so I feel like I am in a trap. Please suggest me what I should do?
It’s okay if you do not want to settle down into marriage at the moment. It is your call and your life. So don’t get pressured into it and regret later. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. Now as for your relationship you need to know where you stand with the guy. Maybe he cannot be separated as of now. But is there a future? Are you guys compatible with each other? Take your time with this. But even after a year or so, it does not seem like he is ready to leave his wife. Then you will surely have to make a decision. And there is no guarantee with everyone that they will settle down with a single person. If it is meant to be it is meant to be whether married or single. But whatever you do, do it for yourself not for others. Don’t get into a relationship or marriage just because you have to. That is not right.
Dear Malvika,
I am 24-year-old woman. I was dating a guy for about two years but we have known each other since a long time. He was a focused and practical person and listened to everything I said. He was like my guide in life. I loved him and was happy with him but few months back he moved to Australia and everything changed. He started getting busy with study and work and I felt left out, which I was not used to. I tried telling him how I felt but somehow I could not. My father has drinking problem and sometimes it’s hard when I can’t talk about it with anyone. None of my friends know about this. I have tough time opening up to anyone than him but since he is not here, I feel alone. I have tried to commit suicide two times in last five years and the second time was quite recently. We stopped talking few months back and he had not called or texted me since. I tried talking but it felt like he didn’t seem interested. Should I tell him how I am feeling or should I just be focused on my life and career? Please help me in this situation.
It seems that your guy has moved on. Sorry to say so but that seems to be the truth. Plus you can’t blame him. He is in a different voluntary with a lot of pressure and responsibility. And he needs to focus on his life too. And if you have been very depressed and down a lot, maybe that is something he is not able to handle at the moment. There is only so much a person can take. And if you are always complaining or negative, then maybe he doesn’t want to be a part of that. Well nobody would actually. So, I suggest first you go to therapy. And get some counseling in this matter. Second, never make one person especially the opposite sex your go-to-person or your best friend. Once the relationship becomes sour, then it will be same situation as yours. You need to have your own set of friends and a separatelife. You have to be better not for anyone else but for you. And once you are a positive persona and full of life everyone will want to be with you. That is how you should be.
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Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old girl. I am disturbed with some issues in my relationship. I have been in a relationship with a boy for seven years. As you know that these days being in a physical relationship before marriage has become common but still I am not ready for it because I have been guided by the mindset that physical relationship before marriage is a sin. But my partner frequently approaches me to be in relationship and because of this issue, we are having serious problems in our relationship. Can you help me out with your suggestion in this matter?
This is a very personal matter about which I cannot tell you exactly what to do. As everyone has different school of thoughts. Now having sex before marriage is not a sin, as per my belief but I cannot question someone who does believe it. I will say this though. You should not have sex because someone wants it or someone is pressuring you into it. This has to be a mutual consent between two adults. If he cannot understand your wishes then it is something to think about. You should know though that sex does not make you weak or a characterless girl. Until and unless you are not ready for it don’t go for it. That is what I would say based on my experience. Wait for the right time or the moment. And for someone who will understand the person that you are and respect you for it.
Dear Malvika,
I am 20-year-old guy studying in bachelor’s second year. A classmate of mine has been pursuing me since the initial days of our college. She had proposed me but since I didn’t love her I rejected her proposal and told her to rather focus on studies. I am not seeing any girl in the meantime as I have not yet found a girl that I would think about seriously. However, my classmate says she still likes me even after I rejected her proposal. She keeps pursuing me and it is getting a little annoying now. What shall I do?
So you have the case of a person who is obsessed. Now there are certain things which you might be doing unintentionally to make her feel that way. These are certain signs which make the obsessed person feel that you like them. Maybe you talk nicely to her, or smile at her all the time, maybe even flirt with her, and look for her at times. Maybe the way she looks at you makes you feel good about yourself and use that to your advantage but is not helpful to her. So stopping full communication with her is what you need to do. The message needs to go across that you don’t want anything to do with her. If she has understood the first time and just remained friends then this wouldn’t have happened. Sometimes being rude or upfront is the only way to tell the other person that you are not interested. Otherwise, it will not get into their head. And they won’t realize at all. I know this sounds very mean but you should not talk to her and give her any hopes or signals at all.
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